you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
