Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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