I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
