I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize