yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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