I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
