I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
