the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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