she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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