i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
