Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
