Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
