I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Success! We fucked roommates!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
