Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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