I want to stick my p in your. b.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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