he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
