i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
