I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
