ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I FOUND THE LEGS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
