Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
