My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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