If i come over, it means nothing
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
