he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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