I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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