Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
