i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize