do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
this hospital has no fireball
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
