You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
