if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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