I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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