We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
