porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
