best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
