Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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