Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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