I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
