I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My life is pants optional.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
