just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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