I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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