about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
