i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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