Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
