Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
