Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize