im about as happy as oj after his trial
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I fill condoms, not promises.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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