Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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