i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
