Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
