so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize