She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
