I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
