RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The air was thick with penises
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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