I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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