so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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