he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
