Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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