he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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