Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
