The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
