how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
