I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
