she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize