I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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