Kiss
Puke
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
