Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
