so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
