I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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