wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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