the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
